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Crack!fic for ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
shikishi. Slashy. Unbeta'd. 506 words.
~ @}~>~~
“You had sex with Professor Lupin?!!” It started as a shout but ended up as a strangled squeal.
Charlie laughed. “Well he wasn’t a professor then, and really, who better to partner a werewolf then a dragon-tamer?” He topped up both their glasses with a generous tot of Ogden’s.
“P..partner?”
“Of course, Remus isn’t the one-night stand type. Neither am I, usually. We were together for oh… five or six months?”
“I didn’t need to know that. Not at all.”
“Oh don’t be such a prude Won-Won. Besides, if it wasn’t for Rem, none of us would be in the Order.”
“Huh?” His momentary confusion was enough to let Charlie get away with the hated nick-name.
“Pfft, surely you don’t think it was Mum or Dad’s idea for their precious children to fight You-Know-Who. Dad always said he was working late, and had made Dumbledore promise not to try and recruit us. But Rem was a member, and I got curious why he’d disappear every so often. Turns out he’s not a very good liar when he’s getting a blowjob.”
Ron flushed bright red and clapped his hands over his ears. Which only served to sting his ear-tips so that they glowed red like the rest of his face.
“You going to start singing ‘La la la I can’t hear you’ too?” Charlie snorted into his glass.
“No, I think I’m going to throw up actually.” Ron stood up and staggered against the coffee table, weaving his way across the open floor space to the kitchen. His elder brother followed with the easy grace of a practiced drunk.
“Really Ron, I didn’t take you to be such a ‘phobe.” He scowled, leaning against the doorframe to watch the redhead retch into the sink.
“Fuck off.” Ron replied miserably, washing his mouth out from the tap. He opened the window to clear the sour stench from the room. “I didn’t want to hear the sordid details, but I don’t give a shit if you want to stick your dick up some guys bum. I just drank that bloody whiskey too fast.” He grimaced. “I think I’ll be alright now.”
Charlie poured a glass of orange juice. “Get that into you, you’ll thank me in the morning.” He poured a second glass for himself as an afterthought.
“I’m sure. I think I’ll stick to ale from now on.”
“Yeah well, beer before liquor, never sicker.” He grinned.
“I’ll remember that.” Ron sipped his juice carefully.
“Perhaps. I’ve said that many a time and have woken up the next day not knowing where I am or how I’ve got there. Or who the person next to me was.” He grinned wickedly to himself.”
“Again, too much information.”
“Really? ‘Cause for the record, I prefer to take it up the bum, as you so aptly put it, rather then give.”
Ron drained his orange juice and shoved his fingers in his ears. “And as you so aptly put it, la la la I can’t hear you. I’m off to bed.”
shikishi. Slashy. Unbeta'd. 506 words.~ @}~>~~
“You had sex with Professor Lupin?!!” It started as a shout but ended up as a strangled squeal.
Charlie laughed. “Well he wasn’t a professor then, and really, who better to partner a werewolf then a dragon-tamer?” He topped up both their glasses with a generous tot of Ogden’s.
“P..partner?”
“Of course, Remus isn’t the one-night stand type. Neither am I, usually. We were together for oh… five or six months?”
“I didn’t need to know that. Not at all.”
“Oh don’t be such a prude Won-Won. Besides, if it wasn’t for Rem, none of us would be in the Order.”
“Huh?” His momentary confusion was enough to let Charlie get away with the hated nick-name.
“Pfft, surely you don’t think it was Mum or Dad’s idea for their precious children to fight You-Know-Who. Dad always said he was working late, and had made Dumbledore promise not to try and recruit us. But Rem was a member, and I got curious why he’d disappear every so often. Turns out he’s not a very good liar when he’s getting a blowjob.”
Ron flushed bright red and clapped his hands over his ears. Which only served to sting his ear-tips so that they glowed red like the rest of his face.
“You going to start singing ‘La la la I can’t hear you’ too?” Charlie snorted into his glass.
“No, I think I’m going to throw up actually.” Ron stood up and staggered against the coffee table, weaving his way across the open floor space to the kitchen. His elder brother followed with the easy grace of a practiced drunk.
“Really Ron, I didn’t take you to be such a ‘phobe.” He scowled, leaning against the doorframe to watch the redhead retch into the sink.
“Fuck off.” Ron replied miserably, washing his mouth out from the tap. He opened the window to clear the sour stench from the room. “I didn’t want to hear the sordid details, but I don’t give a shit if you want to stick your dick up some guys bum. I just drank that bloody whiskey too fast.” He grimaced. “I think I’ll be alright now.”
Charlie poured a glass of orange juice. “Get that into you, you’ll thank me in the morning.” He poured a second glass for himself as an afterthought.
“I’m sure. I think I’ll stick to ale from now on.”
“Yeah well, beer before liquor, never sicker.” He grinned.
“I’ll remember that.” Ron sipped his juice carefully.
“Perhaps. I’ve said that many a time and have woken up the next day not knowing where I am or how I’ve got there. Or who the person next to me was.” He grinned wickedly to himself.”
“Again, too much information.”
“Really? ‘Cause for the record, I prefer to take it up the bum, as you so aptly put it, rather then give.”
Ron drained his orange juice and shoved his fingers in his ears. “And as you so aptly put it, la la la I can’t hear you. I’m off to bed.”
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Spank you *curtseys* :D
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Yay!
That was lovely sweetie! Poor Ron *pets him and puts him to bed*
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Poor Ron indeed *L* I've done some horrible things to him over time.
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Oh, Jess!
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Re: Oh, Jess!
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5 things Ron never wanted to know 'boutCHarlie *giggle*