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I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date... My J/D ficathon story is finally done.
Title: Nothing Else To Do
Rating: NC-17
Written for Mereridkat (![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
morudai) who requested 'sex and a happy ending'.
Wordcount: 2150
Notes: Unfortunately unbeta'd, unless you count a straight male friend reading the first half. Poor guy, I don't think he knew what he was getting into... My apologies for any mistakes you find, entirely my own fault. Also, many apologies for being so late *facedesk* You have no idea how sorry I am. Anyways, I hope the ending is happy enough for you :) The title and some of the inspiration for this fic is to be wholly blamed on William Shatner's cover of the song Common People by Pulp.
I want to live like common people
I want to do whatever it is common people do
I want to sleep with common people
I want to sleep with common people like you
And drink and dance and screw
Because there's nothing else to do
~ @}~>~~
“It’s not really that bad.”
Daniel took another sip from the cup in front of him, wincing as the liquid scalded his throat and brought tears to his eyes.
“Yes, it is. Maybe you’ve been drinking offworld moonshine for too long.”
“Who said anything about offworld?” Jack O’Neill threw back the last of his drink and smiled lazily. “Every country has some form of homemade rotgut. Ouzo, vodka, whatever they call this horrific tongue-numbing creation…” He wound off into silence, staring at the bottom of his empty mug until one of the nearby villagers helpfully refilled it with the cloudy yellow spirit. “Cheers buddy.”
Daniel grimaced just at the sight, then sighed at the look Jack shot him. “Have you seen Teal’c? Or Sam?” He raised his glass again absentmindedly, doing his best not to cough after taking a mouthful.
“Apparently there’s another tradition that looks like a giant conga-line. Carter thought it would be fun and made T go with her. DON’T ask me what it symbolizes, I don’t know. It’s a snake-thing.”
Daniel opened his mouth, then shut it again quickly. “Maybe I should ask some questions, find out how it started…” He started to rise from the trestle table that had been set up on the village common, but Jack pulled him back down again.
“In the morning Danny, you won’t get an answer from anyone now.”
Daniel pinched the bridge of his nose where his glasses should be. He had left them in his pack, not wanting to have them broken in the celebrations.
“Well how about I just go to bed then? I suggest you do the same, I doubt you’re going to be feeling too chirpy tomorrow morning as it is.”
Jack looked at him blearily, as though thinking about something terribly important. “You know it’s very rude here if you leave the table without finishing your drink.” He gestured towards Daniel’s half-full cup in an inebriated fashion, some of the nearby villagers chiming in helpfully about what a terrible slur on their honour such an act would be. Daniel sighed and knocked it back resignedly, but before he could get up Jack had grabbed the nearest carafe and refilled the mug, spilling liqour all over the table in the meantime. Daniel looked at him in exasperation and went to rise anyway, only to be hauled back down against the wooden bench by half a dozen helping hands, Jack’s included. After two more repeats of this he rolled his eyes and picked up his drink again, taking a small mouthful and rejoining the conversation about the hunt that had been held that afternoon. He was starting to feel pleasantly lightheaded and had lost all desire to move when his radio crackled to life.
“Sir… in the fields… everyone… oh god… bodies everywhere.” Samantha Carter’s voice fought through the static momentarily before the signal dropped out altogether.
“Say again Major.” The radio was dead in Jack’s hand. “Carter, repeat!” He leapt to his feet with the fluid grace of a practiced drunk, barely breaking stride at the uneven ground. Daniel wasn’t far behind, his vest flapping as he jogged to catch up.
They wound through the disorganized mass of cottages, Jack taking point and Daniel watching his back. It only took a few tense minutes to reach the other side of the sprawling village, and using a ditch for cover they crept forward to the bramble hedge that divided the houses from the farming land.
“Uhh, you may not want to do that Sir!” Samantha Carter and Teal’c stepped out of the shadows of the wall of foliage, smiling with inebriated amusement when both men started in surprise.
“Fercryinoutloud Carter! What’s happening?” Jack leaned forward through a small break in the hedge to scout the area. “I may not want to what? Oh….” He caught sight of a naked body writhing in the grass on the other side, then another, and another. “OH… wait, are those guys? With GUYS??” He ducked behind the relative safety of the hedge and rubbed his eyes as though it would remove the image burned into his retinas.
“Yes Sir.” Carter suppressed more laughter, glad the night hid some of the blush in her cheeks. She turned to Daniel, unable to stand the look of disbelief and confusion on the Colonel’s face.
“The, uhh, conga line broke up here and all the women wandered off that way.” She gestured along the line of hedging to a single lit cabin away from the rest of the village. “The men all undressed and went out there. I wasn’t allowed past the gate, although several tried to convince Teal’c to join them.” She grinned at the discomfort of the Jaffa beside her.
“Well I guess it makes sense, it must be a fertility ritual… they hold this feast every year just before planting, and obviously believe the male sex to be more adequately equipped for fertilization.” Daniel paused when he registered the Look the rest of the team was giving him. “What? It’s a valid theory.” All four of them ducked back into the shadows as another raucous group descended on the gate and broke apart into gender groups. The women all headed towards the lights of the cottage and the men jovially shucked their clothing as they entered the farmland, laughing and groping as they shed their garments and left them strewn over the ground.
“I wonder…” Daniel rose and started walking towards the entrance. Jack ran over and grabbed his arm.
“Danny! What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
“I want to study this Jack, I’m going to take a closer look.”
“Why?? What use is it to us?”
“It’s of use to ME, I think it could give us a deeper understanding of these people and their culture.”
“But it’s WEIRD.”
“Well I find it interesting.”
“Fine.” Jack could seen Daniel had his determined face on. “But you’re not going in there alone.”
“Really Jack? I would have thought from your last statement you’d be the last person to volunteer.”
“Who, me?”
“Well, Sam isn’t permitted, and you can’t order Teal’c to accompany me…”
“Fercryinoutloud… fine, lets go.” Jack removed his sidearm and handed it to Teal’c, Daniel doing the same. They began to strip down, Daniel giving a small cough and a pointed look until Sam stopped grinning and turned away. They folded their clothes more neatly then the other men and stacked them under the hedge, then made their way out to the fields.
“Oh, and Sam?” Daniel called out over the hedge while they were still in earshot. “If you’re feeling left out, you can always find out where the women are going…”
“Can’t I find out where the women are going?” Jack grumbled half-heartedly.
“It would probably require you to wear a dress, it’s a girls-only thing remember.”
“You’re right, this is much better. Even if it’s still a little chilly out at this time of year.” Jack side-stepped to avoid two men rolling over the ground, locked in a passionate kiss. He then stopped and went back two steps to grab Daniel’s arm and tug him forward again. “Don’t stare, I’ll wager it’s not polite.” He did his best not to look down, not to notice the effect the lewd eroticism that surrounded them was having on his friend.
“Yes, yes you’re right.” Daniel replied distractedly, looking back to the engrossed couple. “Fascinating.”
“Yeah, everyone loves gratuitous nudity.” Jack tugged Daniel forward again. “Just please tell me I’ve got nothing to worry about in the base showers after this.” A shiver ran all the way down his spine at the look Daniel gave him, lodging somewhere deep in his gut. “Lets pretend I didn’t just say that.” But he had, and he couldn’t get the image out of his head of a wet, naked Daniel… a wet, naked Daniel kissing him in the steamed-up shower room. Warmth spread through his groin and he turned away quickly.
“How about we go over here eh? Some nice bushes, lots more… research opportunities.” He headed off down the hillside, then stopped and returned for his preoccupied archeologist. They set off down the hill again, Jack keeping hold of Daniel’s hand this time so as not to lose him in the dark. Or so he told himself.
“This is amazing, look at that group over there.” Daniels used his free hand to gesture to a part of 5 or 6 men who were dusting themselves off and talking quietly. “After they… finished, they all made a prayer and kissed the groun, like a sacrament. Amazing.” Not looking where he was going, as usual, he tripped over a divot in the untilled soil and collided heavily with Jack, knocking them both to the ground. They froze, limbs entangled and hearts racing with panic.
“Sorry, sorry.” Daniel tried to scramble to his feet but slipped again, landing on top of Jack and knocking the wind out of both of them. He gasped for air, unable even to roll off his friend. Jack shifted faintly beneath him as he too struggled to breathe, his thigh rubbing against Daniel’s cock in a most distracting fashion with each wheezing rise of his chest. A strange hardness pressed into his hip but he couldn’t summon the will to move, even as oxygen slowly returned to his starving brain. The spicy fragrance that was unmistakably Jack invaded his nostrils, only this time it was mixed with a potent musk that make his head swim. Jack squirmed again and Daniel whimpered softly at the contact, pressing closer to the warm body beneath him.
“Uhh, Daniel… whatcha doing?” Jack bit back a moan when Daniel forced their groins together, his own hips bucking upwards in an automatic response.
“Field study.” Daniel captured Jack’s lips in a scorching kiss before the colonel could respond to the bad pun. Instinct overruled shock and Jack returned the kiss with a quickly growing enthusiasm. Kissing turned to licking, nibbling and grinding and in the end it was Jack who took it to the next level, pushing Daniel off him with a low growl and wrapping his hand around the younger man’s cock with short, forceful strokes. A well-placed kiss to his collarbone and Daniel was warm, salty putty all over Jack’s hand. He sank back bonelessly against the ground and Jack collapsed beside him. Daniel raised himself up on one elbow, taking in the tired lines of his friend’s face and the frustration he was unsuccessfully trying to hide. He leant forward and kissed the older man who responded hungrily, sighing when Daniel pulled away. He soon hissed in surprise however when Daniel took his aching hard-on into his mouth.
“No, Danny, you don’t have to do thaaaat…” He tried to push Daniel away but really, the attempt was half-hearted at best. Daniel sucked gently, trying to remember what had felt good the last time someone had done this for him. Jack’s penis was so familiar and yet not, hot, musky and with that unique Jack scent. He squeezed the sac lightly, stroking the base of the shaft in time with the movements of his mouth. His probing tongue found the head and flicked over the slit, questing further when Jack shuddered beneath him. The second swipe undid him and he came violently in Daniel’s mouth, hands clawing at the earth in pleasure. Daniel swallowed hesitantly, unsure of the etiquette. He hoped none of the villagers would take offence that Jack’s seed had not been given unto the earth, but it was infinitely preferable to the aftertaste of the drinks they’d consumed earlier. He sank back down beside the colonel, not trusting his body to stay upright any longer. He was suddenly very tired.
“Explored enough culture for the night Dannyboy?” Jack sat up slowly, brushing dirt and dry grass from his hair.
“Yeah, yeah I think so.” They both got to their feet, Daniel lost in thought. They began the walk back to their quarters for the night, both looking incredibly relieved that Carter and Teal’c were not waiting for them at the gateway. They dressed quickly, trying not to look at the other but the awkward silence just kept stretching on.
“OK, fine, I’ll ask now before there’s any confusion.” Daniel blurted out when he couldn’t stand it any more. “This is going to be one of those ‘it never happened, never speak of it again’ deals, right?”
Jack smiled his smug smile as he turned to walk off.
“Oh I wouldn’t go that far… my back yard is in some desperate need of… fertilization. And now that I mention it, there’s a fern in my bedroom that’s a bit on the droopy side…”
Daniel grinned and jogged to catch up.
“But if any of this goes in the mission report I’ll kill you with my bare hands.”
“Agreed.”
~ @}~>~~
Title: Nothing Else To Do
Rating: NC-17
Written for Mereridkat (
morudai) who requested 'sex and a happy ending'.Wordcount: 2150
Notes: Unfortunately unbeta'd, unless you count a straight male friend reading the first half. Poor guy, I don't think he knew what he was getting into... My apologies for any mistakes you find, entirely my own fault. Also, many apologies for being so late *facedesk* You have no idea how sorry I am. Anyways, I hope the ending is happy enough for you :) The title and some of the inspiration for this fic is to be wholly blamed on William Shatner's cover of the song Common People by Pulp.
I want to live like common people
I want to do whatever it is common people do
I want to sleep with common people
I want to sleep with common people like you
And drink and dance and screw
Because there's nothing else to do
~ @}~>~~
“It’s not really that bad.”
Daniel took another sip from the cup in front of him, wincing as the liquid scalded his throat and brought tears to his eyes.
“Yes, it is. Maybe you’ve been drinking offworld moonshine for too long.”
“Who said anything about offworld?” Jack O’Neill threw back the last of his drink and smiled lazily. “Every country has some form of homemade rotgut. Ouzo, vodka, whatever they call this horrific tongue-numbing creation…” He wound off into silence, staring at the bottom of his empty mug until one of the nearby villagers helpfully refilled it with the cloudy yellow spirit. “Cheers buddy.”
Daniel grimaced just at the sight, then sighed at the look Jack shot him. “Have you seen Teal’c? Or Sam?” He raised his glass again absentmindedly, doing his best not to cough after taking a mouthful.
“Apparently there’s another tradition that looks like a giant conga-line. Carter thought it would be fun and made T go with her. DON’T ask me what it symbolizes, I don’t know. It’s a snake-thing.”
Daniel opened his mouth, then shut it again quickly. “Maybe I should ask some questions, find out how it started…” He started to rise from the trestle table that had been set up on the village common, but Jack pulled him back down again.
“In the morning Danny, you won’t get an answer from anyone now.”
Daniel pinched the bridge of his nose where his glasses should be. He had left them in his pack, not wanting to have them broken in the celebrations.
“Well how about I just go to bed then? I suggest you do the same, I doubt you’re going to be feeling too chirpy tomorrow morning as it is.”
Jack looked at him blearily, as though thinking about something terribly important. “You know it’s very rude here if you leave the table without finishing your drink.” He gestured towards Daniel’s half-full cup in an inebriated fashion, some of the nearby villagers chiming in helpfully about what a terrible slur on their honour such an act would be. Daniel sighed and knocked it back resignedly, but before he could get up Jack had grabbed the nearest carafe and refilled the mug, spilling liqour all over the table in the meantime. Daniel looked at him in exasperation and went to rise anyway, only to be hauled back down against the wooden bench by half a dozen helping hands, Jack’s included. After two more repeats of this he rolled his eyes and picked up his drink again, taking a small mouthful and rejoining the conversation about the hunt that had been held that afternoon. He was starting to feel pleasantly lightheaded and had lost all desire to move when his radio crackled to life.
“Sir… in the fields… everyone… oh god… bodies everywhere.” Samantha Carter’s voice fought through the static momentarily before the signal dropped out altogether.
“Say again Major.” The radio was dead in Jack’s hand. “Carter, repeat!” He leapt to his feet with the fluid grace of a practiced drunk, barely breaking stride at the uneven ground. Daniel wasn’t far behind, his vest flapping as he jogged to catch up.
They wound through the disorganized mass of cottages, Jack taking point and Daniel watching his back. It only took a few tense minutes to reach the other side of the sprawling village, and using a ditch for cover they crept forward to the bramble hedge that divided the houses from the farming land.
“Uhh, you may not want to do that Sir!” Samantha Carter and Teal’c stepped out of the shadows of the wall of foliage, smiling with inebriated amusement when both men started in surprise.
“Fercryinoutloud Carter! What’s happening?” Jack leaned forward through a small break in the hedge to scout the area. “I may not want to what? Oh….” He caught sight of a naked body writhing in the grass on the other side, then another, and another. “OH… wait, are those guys? With GUYS??” He ducked behind the relative safety of the hedge and rubbed his eyes as though it would remove the image burned into his retinas.
“Yes Sir.” Carter suppressed more laughter, glad the night hid some of the blush in her cheeks. She turned to Daniel, unable to stand the look of disbelief and confusion on the Colonel’s face.
“The, uhh, conga line broke up here and all the women wandered off that way.” She gestured along the line of hedging to a single lit cabin away from the rest of the village. “The men all undressed and went out there. I wasn’t allowed past the gate, although several tried to convince Teal’c to join them.” She grinned at the discomfort of the Jaffa beside her.
“Well I guess it makes sense, it must be a fertility ritual… they hold this feast every year just before planting, and obviously believe the male sex to be more adequately equipped for fertilization.” Daniel paused when he registered the Look the rest of the team was giving him. “What? It’s a valid theory.” All four of them ducked back into the shadows as another raucous group descended on the gate and broke apart into gender groups. The women all headed towards the lights of the cottage and the men jovially shucked their clothing as they entered the farmland, laughing and groping as they shed their garments and left them strewn over the ground.
“I wonder…” Daniel rose and started walking towards the entrance. Jack ran over and grabbed his arm.
“Danny! What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
“I want to study this Jack, I’m going to take a closer look.”
“Why?? What use is it to us?”
“It’s of use to ME, I think it could give us a deeper understanding of these people and their culture.”
“But it’s WEIRD.”
“Well I find it interesting.”
“Fine.” Jack could seen Daniel had his determined face on. “But you’re not going in there alone.”
“Really Jack? I would have thought from your last statement you’d be the last person to volunteer.”
“Who, me?”
“Well, Sam isn’t permitted, and you can’t order Teal’c to accompany me…”
“Fercryinoutloud… fine, lets go.” Jack removed his sidearm and handed it to Teal’c, Daniel doing the same. They began to strip down, Daniel giving a small cough and a pointed look until Sam stopped grinning and turned away. They folded their clothes more neatly then the other men and stacked them under the hedge, then made their way out to the fields.
“Oh, and Sam?” Daniel called out over the hedge while they were still in earshot. “If you’re feeling left out, you can always find out where the women are going…”
“Can’t I find out where the women are going?” Jack grumbled half-heartedly.
“It would probably require you to wear a dress, it’s a girls-only thing remember.”
“You’re right, this is much better. Even if it’s still a little chilly out at this time of year.” Jack side-stepped to avoid two men rolling over the ground, locked in a passionate kiss. He then stopped and went back two steps to grab Daniel’s arm and tug him forward again. “Don’t stare, I’ll wager it’s not polite.” He did his best not to look down, not to notice the effect the lewd eroticism that surrounded them was having on his friend.
“Yes, yes you’re right.” Daniel replied distractedly, looking back to the engrossed couple. “Fascinating.”
“Yeah, everyone loves gratuitous nudity.” Jack tugged Daniel forward again. “Just please tell me I’ve got nothing to worry about in the base showers after this.” A shiver ran all the way down his spine at the look Daniel gave him, lodging somewhere deep in his gut. “Lets pretend I didn’t just say that.” But he had, and he couldn’t get the image out of his head of a wet, naked Daniel… a wet, naked Daniel kissing him in the steamed-up shower room. Warmth spread through his groin and he turned away quickly.
“How about we go over here eh? Some nice bushes, lots more… research opportunities.” He headed off down the hillside, then stopped and returned for his preoccupied archeologist. They set off down the hill again, Jack keeping hold of Daniel’s hand this time so as not to lose him in the dark. Or so he told himself.
“This is amazing, look at that group over there.” Daniels used his free hand to gesture to a part of 5 or 6 men who were dusting themselves off and talking quietly. “After they… finished, they all made a prayer and kissed the groun, like a sacrament. Amazing.” Not looking where he was going, as usual, he tripped over a divot in the untilled soil and collided heavily with Jack, knocking them both to the ground. They froze, limbs entangled and hearts racing with panic.
“Sorry, sorry.” Daniel tried to scramble to his feet but slipped again, landing on top of Jack and knocking the wind out of both of them. He gasped for air, unable even to roll off his friend. Jack shifted faintly beneath him as he too struggled to breathe, his thigh rubbing against Daniel’s cock in a most distracting fashion with each wheezing rise of his chest. A strange hardness pressed into his hip but he couldn’t summon the will to move, even as oxygen slowly returned to his starving brain. The spicy fragrance that was unmistakably Jack invaded his nostrils, only this time it was mixed with a potent musk that make his head swim. Jack squirmed again and Daniel whimpered softly at the contact, pressing closer to the warm body beneath him.
“Uhh, Daniel… whatcha doing?” Jack bit back a moan when Daniel forced their groins together, his own hips bucking upwards in an automatic response.
“Field study.” Daniel captured Jack’s lips in a scorching kiss before the colonel could respond to the bad pun. Instinct overruled shock and Jack returned the kiss with a quickly growing enthusiasm. Kissing turned to licking, nibbling and grinding and in the end it was Jack who took it to the next level, pushing Daniel off him with a low growl and wrapping his hand around the younger man’s cock with short, forceful strokes. A well-placed kiss to his collarbone and Daniel was warm, salty putty all over Jack’s hand. He sank back bonelessly against the ground and Jack collapsed beside him. Daniel raised himself up on one elbow, taking in the tired lines of his friend’s face and the frustration he was unsuccessfully trying to hide. He leant forward and kissed the older man who responded hungrily, sighing when Daniel pulled away. He soon hissed in surprise however when Daniel took his aching hard-on into his mouth.
“No, Danny, you don’t have to do thaaaat…” He tried to push Daniel away but really, the attempt was half-hearted at best. Daniel sucked gently, trying to remember what had felt good the last time someone had done this for him. Jack’s penis was so familiar and yet not, hot, musky and with that unique Jack scent. He squeezed the sac lightly, stroking the base of the shaft in time with the movements of his mouth. His probing tongue found the head and flicked over the slit, questing further when Jack shuddered beneath him. The second swipe undid him and he came violently in Daniel’s mouth, hands clawing at the earth in pleasure. Daniel swallowed hesitantly, unsure of the etiquette. He hoped none of the villagers would take offence that Jack’s seed had not been given unto the earth, but it was infinitely preferable to the aftertaste of the drinks they’d consumed earlier. He sank back down beside the colonel, not trusting his body to stay upright any longer. He was suddenly very tired.
“Explored enough culture for the night Dannyboy?” Jack sat up slowly, brushing dirt and dry grass from his hair.
“Yeah, yeah I think so.” They both got to their feet, Daniel lost in thought. They began the walk back to their quarters for the night, both looking incredibly relieved that Carter and Teal’c were not waiting for them at the gateway. They dressed quickly, trying not to look at the other but the awkward silence just kept stretching on.
“OK, fine, I’ll ask now before there’s any confusion.” Daniel blurted out when he couldn’t stand it any more. “This is going to be one of those ‘it never happened, never speak of it again’ deals, right?”
Jack smiled his smug smile as he turned to walk off.
“Oh I wouldn’t go that far… my back yard is in some desperate need of… fertilization. And now that I mention it, there’s a fern in my bedroom that’s a bit on the droopy side…”
Daniel grinned and jogged to catch up.
“But if any of this goes in the mission report I’ll kill you with my bare hands.”
“Agreed.”
~ @}~>~~
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“Field study.”
BWahahahahahahahahah! I love that. This was a very nice piece. I'm so glad you posted it.
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Yes, this is true.
And ha! Field Study!
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Love it!
“Yeah, everyone loves gratuitous nudity.”
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Re: Love it!
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